Chapter 5 - Karlsson Plays Tricks - Karlsson on the Roof Fairy tale by Astrid Lindgren

“I feel like having fun now,” said Karlsson a little later. “Let’s go for a walk on the roofs around here; then we’re bound to think of something fun to do.”

Eric wanted to do that very much. He took Karlsson’s hand, and together they marched through the door and out onto the roof. It was beginning to grow dark, and everything looked very beautiful. The air had the bluish tint which it has in the spring; all the houses looked mysterious and exciting, as houses do in the twilight; the park where Eric often played seemed to glimmer strangely green far below; and from the great balsam poplar in Eric’s courtyard a wonderful scent rose all the way up to the roof.

It was a perfect evening for roof walking. Every window was open, and you could hear all sorts of sounds: people talking, children laughing, and babies crying. There was a clatter of china from a neighboring kitchen where someone was doing dishes, a dog whined, and a piano was being played somewhere. From the street below came the pop-pop-pop of a motorbike, and when that noise died away, a horse clattered past with a cart behind it, and every clop of the horse’s hoofs could be heard on the roof.

“If people only knew what fun it is to walk on the roof, there wouldn’t be a single person left in the street,” said Eric. “Oh, this is super fun!”

“Yes, and it’s exciting, too,” said Karlsson. “Because you can very easily fall down. I’ll show you a few places where you nearly fall every time.”

The houses were built so close together that you could walk from one roof to the next. There were many queer little projections, and attics, and chimneys, and nooks and crannies, so it was never boring. And it certainly was exciting, as Karlsson had said, because now and then you very nearly did fall down. In one place there was quite a wide gap between two houses, and it was in just such a place that Eric almost fell. But Karlsson caught hold of him at the last moment when one of his legs had already begun to slide over the edge of the roof.

“Good fun, isn’t it?” said Karlsson as he hauled Eric up again. “That’s just what I meant. Do it again!”

But Eric said he would rather not do it again. It was a little too close for him. There were several places where you had to cling with arms and legs to avoid falling, and Karlsson wanted Eric to have as much fun as possible, so he did not always take him by the easiest route.

“I think we ought to play some tricks,” said Karlsson. “I generally stroll around on the roofs in the evening, playing little tricks on the people who live in all these attic rooms.”

“What do you do?” asked Eric.

“I play different tricks on different people, of course. Never the same trick twice. The World’s Best Tricker—guess who that is!”

At that instant a little child began to cry nearby. Eric had heard the crying before, but then it had stopped. The child had taken a rest, he supposed. Now it started again, and the crying came from the nearest attic. It was such a sad and forlorn sound.

“Poor thing!” said Eric. “Perhaps it’s got a tummy-ache.”

“We shall soon see,” said Karlsson. “Come with me!”

They edged along the gutter until they found themselves immediately below the attic window. Then Karlsson cautiously raised his head and peeped in.

“Very lonely little child,” he said. “Mommy and Daddy are out gallivanting, I see.”

The child wept more bitterly than ever.

“Calm, be calm!” said Karlsson, heaving himself over the window ledge. “Here comes Karlsson-on-the-Roof, the World’s Best Nursemaid.”

Eric did not want to be left alone outside. He climbed in the window after Karlsson, although he wondered anxiously what would happen if the child’s mother and father came home suddenly.

But Karlsson was not in the least worried. He walked up to where the baby was lying and put a chubby finger under its chin.

“Coo-oo,” he crowed playfully, and turned to Eric. “That’s the way to talk to babies to make them happy.”

The baby stopped crying from sheer astonishment, but as soon as she had recovered from her suprise, she started off again.

“Coo-oo … and then this is what you do,” said Karlsson, lifting the baby out of her crib and throwing her up to the ceiling, time and time again. Maybe the baby enjoyed it, because suddenly she gave a toothless little grin.

“It’s as easy as pie to amuse children,” he said. “The World’s Best Nursemai—”

He got no farther when the baby started crying again.

“COO-OO-OO,” roared Karlsson angrily, heaving the baby more violently than ever toward the ceiling. “Coo-oo, I said, and I mean it, too!”

The baby was screaming its head off, and Eric put out his arms to take her from Karlsson.

“Let me have her,” he said. He was very, very fond of tiny babies, and he had been asking Mommy and Daddy to give him a little sister, since they were so determined not to let him have a dog.

He took the small bundle from Karlsson and held her tenderly in his arms.

“Don’t cry, there’s a good baby,” he said. The baby watched him silently with a pair of big, solemn eyes. Then her face broke again into a toothless smile, and she gurgled contentedly.

“It’s my coo-ing working,” said Karlsson. “It always works, I’ve tried it out thousands of times.”

“I wonder what her name is,” said Eric, stroking the soft little cheek with his finger.

“Curliwig,” said Karlsson. “That’s what most of them are called.”

Eric had never heard of a child being called Curliwig before, but he thought the World’s Best Nursemaid would be sure to know more than he did about children’s names.

“Little Curliwig,” said Eric, “I think you’re surely hungry,” because Curliwig had gripped his finger and wanted to suck it.

“So Curliwig’s hungry! Well, there are sausages and potatoes here,” said Karlsson, glancing in at the kitchen. “No child need starve to death while Karlsson has the strength to drag out sausages and potatoes.”

Eric did not think that Curliwig could eat sausages and potatoes.

“Young babies should have milk, shouldn’t they?” he queried.

“Don’t you think the World’s Best Nursemaid knows what children should have and shouldn’t have?” said Karlsson. “But just as you like! I can fly and fetch a cow.” He frowned at the window. “But it’ll be rather difficult to bring an old cow in through this measly window.”

Curliwig searched eagerly for Eric’s finger, whimpering pitifully. She really did sound hungry.

Eric looked in the kitchen, but he could not find any milk. There was nothing but three cold sausages on a plate.

“Calm, be calm!” said Karlsson. “I’ve just remembered where there’s some milk. I have a drink there myself sometimes. Hi-ho! I won’t be long.”

Karlsson turned the button on his tummy and buzzed off through the window before Eric had time to wink twice.

Eric was dreadfully worried. Supposing Karlsson stayed away for hours, as he often did! And supposing the baby’s mommy and daddy came home and found Eric with their Curliwig in his arms!

But Eric did not have to worry for long. This time Karlsson was quick. Proud as a peacock he came buzzing in through the window, and in his hand he held one of those bottles that babies drink from.

“Where did you get that?” asked Eric, very much surprised.

“From my usual dairy,” said Karlsson. “A balcony a few streets away!”

“Have you pinched it?” said Eric in alarm.

“I have borrowed it,” said Karlsson.

“Borrowed! When are you going to take it back, then?” asked Eric.

“Never,” said Karlsson.

Eric looked at him sternly, but Karlsson spread his fingers and said, “A bottle of milk—it’s a small matter! The people I borrowed it from have triplets, and they put out masses and masses of bottles in buckets of ice on the balcony, and they like me to borrow their milk for Curliwig.”

Curliwig stretched out her little hands for the bottle and squeaked hungrily.

“I’ll warm it a bit,” said Eric briskly, and handed Curliwig over to Karlsson. Karlsson shouted, “Coo-oo,” and heaved Curliwig up to the ceiling while Eric went into the kitchen to warm the milk.

A little later Curliwig lay sleeping in her crib like a little angel. She was full and contented after Eric had tucked her in. Karlsson had prodded her with his finger and shouted, “Coo-oo,” and in spite of it Curliwig had gone to sleep because she was tired and full of milk.

“Now we’ll play some jokes before we go off,” said Karlsson.

He went into the kitchen and fetched the cold sausages. Eric looked at him, wide-eyed.

“Watch these tricks!” said Karlsson, balancing a sausage on the kitchen door handle.

“Number one,” he said, and nodded, pleased with himself. Then he went with quick steps to the chest of drawers. There stood a beautiful, white china dove, and, before Eric knew what was happening, the white dove had a sausage in its beak.

“Number two!” said Karlsson. “And number three is for Curliwig.”

He stabbed the sausage on a little stick and put the stick into the hand of the sleeping Curliwig. It looked comical, rather as if Curliwig herself had gone to fetch a sausage and fallen asleep before she had had time to eat it. But Eric said, “I wish you wouldn’t do that!”

“Calm, be calm!” said Karlsson. “This is to stop her mommy and daddy from going gadding about in the evenings.”

“But how?” asked Eric.

“A baby who can get up and fetch herself a sausage can’t be left alone, that’s obvious. Who knows what she will think of next … her daddy’s beer, perhaps.”

He settled the sausage stick more firmly in Curliwig’s tiny hand.

“Calm, be calm!” he said. “I know what I’m doing because I’m the World’s Best Nursemaid.”

At that moment Eric heard footsteps on the stairs outside; it nearly made him jump with fright.

“They’re coming!” he whispered.

“Calm, be calm!” said Karlsson, and they both rushed to the window. Eric heard a key being put in the lock, and he felt desperate, but somehow he managed to heave himself over the window ledge, and a second later he heard the door open and a voice said, “Mommy’s little Susie, fast asleep!”

“Yes, she does nothing but sleep,” said another voice. Then a scream was heard, and Eric guessed that Curliwig’s mommy and daddy had now spotted the sausage.

He did not wait to hear the rest but caught up with the World’s Best Nursemaid, who was just about to hide behind a chimney.

“Would you like to see two scoundrels?” asked Karlsson, when they had had a rest. “I’ve got two first-rate scoundrels in another attic over here.”

It almost sounded as if they were Karlsson’s own scoundrels; they couldn’t very well be that, but, all the same, Eric certainly wanted to see them.

There were sounds of noisy talking and laughing coming from the scoundrels’ attic. “Mirth and joy!” said Karlsson. “Come along, let’s see what’s so funny.”

They crept along the gutter pipe. Karlsson raised his head and peeped in. The curtains were drawn, but there was a gap that you could see through.

“The scoundrels have a visitor,” whispered Karlsson.

Eric also had a peep at them. There were two men sitting there who had the appearance of tough characters, and a meek-looking little man who might have come from the country town where Grannie lived.

“Do you know what I think?” whispered Karlsson. “I think these scoundrels are playing tricks as well as me. But they’d better not!”

He took another peep.

“I’m jolly sure they’re playing tricks on that poor fellow in the red tie,” he whispered to Eric.

The scoundrels and the man in the red tie were sitting at a small table near the window. They were eating and drinking, and the scoundrels were patting the one in the red tie cordially on the shoulder, saying, “We’re very glad we met you, Oscar!”

“I’m very glad, too,” said Oscar. “When you come to a town like this, it’s really most important to find good friends that you can rely on. Otherwise no one knows what might happen. You might easily fall into the hands of rogues.”

The scoundrels nodded.

“Yes, indeed, you might have come up against rogues,” said one. “Wasn’t it lucky you met Cosh and me!”

“Yes, if you hadn’t found Ruffy and me, anything might have happened to you,” said the other. “But now let’s eat, drink, and be merry,” said the one whose name was Cosh, patting Oscar again on the shoulder. Then he did something which surprised Eric very much. As if by accident, he put his hand into the hip pocket of Oscar’s trousers, pulled out a wallet, and put it stealthily into the hip pocket of his own trousers. And Oscar noticed nothing. Maybe it was because Ruffy, at the same time, was patting him busily. But when Ruffy had finished his patting and withdrew his hand, Oscar’s watch chanced to be in it. Ruffy popped it into his own hip pocket. And Oscar noticed nothing.

But Karlsson-on-the-Roof carefully stretched a chubby hand through the chink in the curtains and took the wallet out of the hip pocket of Cosh’s trousers, and Cosh noticed nothing. Then Karlsson stretched out a chubby hand and took the watch out of the hip pocket of Ruffy’s trousers, and Ruffy noticed nothing.

Some time after, when Ruffy and Cosh and Oscar had eaten and drunk still more, Cosh put his hand in his pocket and found that the wallet was gone. He glowered angrily at Ruffy and said, “Look here, Ruffy, you come along out on the landing. I want a word with you.”

At that moment Ruffy felt in his pocket and discovered that the watch was gone. He scowled angrily at Cosh and said, “That’s O.K. with me. I want a word with you too.”

Cosh and Ruffy then went out onto the landing, and poor Oscar sat there alone. He must have thought it was dull, because soon he got up and went out to see what had become of Cosh and Ruffy. Karlsson quickly climbed over the window ledge and put Oscar’s wallet into the empty soup tureen. And the watch Karlsson fixed to the light on the ceiling, where it hung swaying, and it was the first thing that Oscar, Ruffy, and Cosh saw when they came back from the landing. But they did not see Karlsson, because he had crawled underneath the table, concealed by the cloth, which nearly reached the floor. By this time, Eric was also sitting under the table, because he wanted to be with Karlsson even in such a doubtful situation.

“Look at my watch!” said Oscar. “How on earth did it get up there?”

He went and took down the watch and put it back in his waistcoat pocket.

“And if this isn’t my wallet!” he said, looking into the soup tureen. “How very strange!”

Ruffy and Cosh looked at Oscar with admiration, and Cosh said, “Even country bumpkins know a thing or two, it seems.”

Ruffy, Cosh, and Oscar sat down at the table once more.

“Oscar, old buddy, you must have some more to eat and drink,” said Cosh.

So Oscar, Ruffy, and Cosh ate, drank, and patted each other on the back. After a short time Cosh’s hand appeared under the table, carefully placing Oscar’s wallet on the floor. He must have thought it was a safer place than his trousers pocket—but it wasn’t, because Karlsson immediately seized the wallet and passed it up to Ruffy. Ruffy took the wallet and said, “Cosh, I misjudged you, you’re a gentleman, after all.”

Soon Ruffy’s hand appeared under the table, carefully placing Oscar’s watch on the floor. Karlsson took the watch, nudged Cosh’s leg gently, and handed him Oscar’s watch. Cosh said, “There’s not a better pal than you, Ruffy!”

But presently Oscar said, “Where’s my wallet? And where’s my watch?”

Then, quick as lightning, both the wallet and the watch reappeared under the table because Cosh dared not keep the watch, and Ruffy dared not keep the wallet on him in case Oscar began to make a disturbance. And sure enough Oscar did begin to make quite a considerable amount of disturbance, shouting that he wanted his watch and his wallet. Cosh said, “How are we to know what you’ve done with your old wallet?”

And Ruffy said, “We haven’t seen your old watch; you should be more careful with your things!”

Karlsson picked up the wallet and the watch and handed them up to Oscar. Oscar put them away in his pockets and said, “Thank you, Cosh; thank you, Ruffy. You mustn’t play tricks like that again.”

Karlsson gave Cosh’s leg a hard kick, and Cosh shouted, “You’ll pay for this, Ruffy!”

Then Karlsson gave Ruffy’s leg a hard kick, and Ruffy shouted, “You’re off your head, Cosh; what’re you kicking me for?”

Ruffy and Cosh leaped up and began to fight, so that all the plates crashed to the floor and broke, and Oscar was so frightened that he hurried off with his wallet and watch and was never seen again.

Eric was frightened too, but he could not run away; he had to sit quietly under the table.

Cosh was stronger than Ruffy, and he chased Ruffy out onto the landing where he continued the beating. Karlsson and Eric came out from under the table and looked at all the plates lying in pieces on the floor. Karlsson said, “Why should the soup tureen be left when all the plates are broken? It’ll be lonely by itself, the poor soup tureen!”

He smashed the tureen, and he and Eric rushed to the window and climbed out as fast as they could. They had just done so when Eric heard Cosh and Ruffy come back into the room, and Cosh was saying, “Why, for Pete’s sake, did you give him back the watch and the wallet, you stupid idiot?”

“You must be crazy,” said Ruffy. “It was you that did it.”

This made Karlsson shake with laughter, and he said, “We’ve played enough tricks for one day.”

Eric too felt that he had had enough of tricks.

It was now quite dark, and Eric and Karlsson walked back, hand in hand, across the roofs to Karlsson’s dwelling, which stood on top of Eric’s house. When they arrived they heard a fire engine coming along the street with a tremendous noise of hooting.

“There’s a fire somewhere; you’ll see,” said Eric. “The fire engines are coming.”

“Perhaps it’s in this very house,” said Karlsson hopefully. “They’ve only got to ask me and I’ll help them because I’m the World’s Best Fire-putter-outer.”

They saw that the fire engine had stopped just below them in the street, and a whole crowd of people was gathering around it. But they could not discover any fire. On the other hand, they suddenly saw a ladder shooting up toward the roof—one of those tall, extending ladders that the firemen use.

Eric began to wonder.

“Supposing … supposing … they’re coming to fetch me,” he said, because he suddenly remembered the note which he had left in his room. And it was getting late.

“But why?” said Karlsson. “Surely nobody could possibly mind your being up here on the roof for a short time?”

“Yes, my mommy would,” said Eric. “She worries a lot.”

He felt very sorry for Mommy when he thought about it, and longed for her.

“We could play some tricks on the firemen, couldn’t we?” suggested Karlsson.

But Eric was unwilling to play any more tricks. He stood still and waited for the fireman who came climbing up the ladder.

“Well,” said Karlsson, “it’s really about time I got ready for bed. Of course, we’ve taken things pretty quietly and not played a lot of tricks, but I did, after all, have at least ninety or a hundred degrees of temperature this morning, we mustn’t forget that.”

And he scuttled off across the roof.

“Hi-ho, Eric!” he shouted.

“Hi-ho, Karlsson!” said Eric. But all the time he was watching the fireman, coming closer and closer.

“Eric,” called Karlsson before he disappeared behind the chimney, “don’t tell the firemen that I’m here … because I’m the World’s Best Fire-putter-outer, and I would never get a moment’s peace whenever a fire broke out anywhere.”

The fireman was quite close now. “Stay where you are,” he shouted to Eric. “Don’t move an inch! I’m coming for you.”

It was kind of him, thought Eric, but how unnecessary! Eric, who had wandered round the roofs all the afternoon, was perfectly able to walk another two steps.

“Did my mother send you?” he asked when, in the arms of the fireman, he was coming down the ladder.

“What do you think?” said the fireman. “But look here … it seemed to me for a moment that there were two little boys up there on the roof …”

Eric remembered what Karlsson had said and he answered solemnly, “No, there wasn’t any boy except me.”

Mommy certainly was worried. She and Daddy, Betty, and Bobby, and a crowd of other people were down below in the street to receive Eric. Mommy flung her arms around him and squeezed him, and laughed and wept alternately. And Daddy carried him up to the flat, holding him tight all the time. Bobby said, “You sure can frighten the life out of us, Eric!”

Betty, too, was weeping, and said, “You must never do a thing like that again, remember!”

When Eric was lying in bed a little later, they all gathered around him, exactly as if it had been his birthday. But Daddy spoke very seriously, saying, “Didn’t you realize that we’d be worried? Didn’t you realize that Mommy would cry and be upset?”

Eric fidgeted in his bed.

“Not as worried as that,” he muttered.

Mommy hugged him very hard and said, “Supposing you’d fallen down! Supposing we’d lost you!”

“Would you have been sad?” said Eric hopefully.

“Why, what do you think?” said Mommy. “We wouldn’t be without you for anything in the world; surely you know that?”

“Not for a hundred thousand million dollars even?”

“No, not for a hundred thousand million dollars.”

“Am I worth as much as that?” asked Eric in astonishment.

“You are,” said Mommy, giving him another hug.

Eric thought: A hundred thousand million dollars—what a terrible lot of money! Was it possible that he could be worth so much? Why, you could get a puppy, a really good puppy, for just ten or twelve dollars.

“Daddy!” said Eric, when he had finished thinking. “If I’m worth a hundred thousand million dollars, couldn’t I have ten of it to buy a little dog?”