Part II Chapter 11 Doctor Dolittle's Return by Hugh Lofting
IN JAIL AT LAST
It was almost twilight now and both the Doctor and I were hungry. Feeling that nothing more could be done that day we set off to tramp the seven miles back to Puddleby and supper. For quite a while neither of us spoke. At last, when we were nearly home, the Doctor said,
"You know, Stubbins, I almost wish I had followed Matthew's advice and—er—pushed a policeman in the face. It would have been so much—er—so much safer. Did you hear what that woman said—almost a privilege to have her window broken by me? Good heavens!—And you know, it was the simplest case, her Topsy and the pups. All I did was give them some digestive pills—an invention of my own—and get their precious mistress to stop fussing over them and leave them in peace. Topsy told me that Lady Matilda was just driving them all crazy, buzzing round them like a bee and giving them the stupidest things to eat. I forbade her to go near the dogs for a week and they got all right—on milk. Ah, well!"
There was great excitement when we reached the house and stepped in at the kitchen door.
"Why, Doctor!" squeaked the white mouse, "didn't you go to jail, then?"
"No," said the Doctor, sinking miserably into a chair, "but Matthew did. I feel perfectly terrible about it. I must go over and see his wife Theodosia in the morning. I don't suppose she'll ever be able to forgive me."
"Matthew! In jail!" said Too-Too. "Why, I saw him out in the scullery just now, washing his hands."
"You must be mistaken," said the Doctor. "The last we saw of him was in Gilesborough. He was being marched off to prison. He threw a stone into the window of the bank, hoping that the people would think it was me. But they didn't. He was arrested."
At that moment the door into the pantry opened and Matthew entered smiling.
"'Ulloa, Doctor," said he cheerily. "So they wouldn't take you in up at Gilesborough jail, eh? Too bad! Most in'ospitable of 'em, I calls it—most in'ospitable!"
"But, look here, Matthew," said the Doctor, "what about yourself? Do you mean to say they turned you away too?"
"Hoh, no!" grinned the Cats'-meat-Man. "They never turns me away—not from jails. But you see, on the way to the police-station I 'appened to remember that I 'adn't got me skeleton key with me. And though I could, most likely, 'ave got myself out of that jail without hartificial means, I thought maybe it would be best to be on the safe side and escape before I got to jail. So I sizes up the copper what was takin' me along, see? And I notices 'e was a kind of 'eavy-built bloke, no good for runnin' at all. So with great foresight and hindsight—still goin' along peaceful with 'im like—I picks out a spot to shake 'im. You know that fountain on the green with the big marble pool around it?"
"Yes," said the Doctor, "I remember it."
"Well, just as we comes alongside o' that pool I says to 'im, I says, 'Why, sergeant!'—I knew 'e was only a constable, but they all likes to be called sergeant—'Why, sergeant,' I says, 'look, yer bootlace is untied.' 'E bends down to look—and, bein' very fat, 'e 'ad to bend away down to see 'is feet. Then I gives 'im a gentle shove from the rear and in 'e goes, 'ead-first, into the marble pool. Ha! Just as neat as a divin' walrus. Then I dashes off across the green and down an alley. I took to the open country as soon as I got a chance. And, well—'ere I am!"
"Humph!" said the Doctor. "Good gracious me! Anyway, I'm glad you're safe and sound, Matthew. I was very worried about you. What have we got for supper, Dab-Dab?"
"Fried eggs, cheese, tomatoes and cocoa," said the housekeeper.
"A-a-a-h!" said Gub-Gub, coming up to the table. "Tomatoes!"
"Um-m-m-m, cocoa!" said Chee-Chee. "Good idea!"
"And cheese, hooray!" squeaked the white mouse, scrambling down from the mantelpiece.
"You know, Matthew," said the Doctor when we were seated at the meal, "I think we had better leave Gilesborough alone. What with you giving a policeman in uniform a bath, and my fine being paid by the most prominent lady in the town, I feel we better stay away from there. In fact, I'm very discouraged about the whole business. As I told Stubbins, I had no idea it was so hard to get into jail."
"Well, yer see, Doctor," said Matthew, buttering large slabs of bread, "that's the way it is: when yer wants to get into jail they won't 'ave yer, and when you don't want to get into jail, they takes yer and puts yer there. The whole law, I might say, is a very himperfect hinstrument. But don't you be down-'earted, Doctor. Keep up the good work! After all, yer did get arrested this last shot, and yer didn't even get that far the first time. You see, you got the beginnings of a reputation now. It's easy to get into jail when you got the right reputation."
Polynesia, sitting on the window-sill, let out a short "Huh!"
"Yes, but just the same," said the Doctor, "I don't think we should use Gilesborough any more for our—er—experiments."
"That's all right, Doctor," said Matthew, reaching for the cheese. "There's lots of other places. Your reputation will spread. Wonderful 'ow a good jail reputation gets around. Now listen: there's Goresby-St. Clements, pretty little town—and a good jail, too! And I was thinkin'—should 'ave thought of it before—the best thing for you to do is not to bother with banks and charity meetin's this time. Just go and bust the window of the police-station itself—or the Court 'Ouse, whichever yer fancy. They'll be bound to lock you up then!"
"Humph!" said the Doctor. "Er—yes, that sounds a good idea."
"I'll come along with yer, Doctor," said Matthew. "You might not be able to—"
"No, Matthew," said the Doctor firmly. "I am afraid you may get arrested again by mistake. In fact, I don't believe I'll even take Stubbins with me this time. I'll go alone. It will be safer."
"All right, Doctor," said Matthew, "anyway, what makes you most comfortable. But you will see there ain't no bunglin', won't yer? And don't forget, choose the police-station, or the Court 'Ouse, when the judge is there. Use a good big stone, too. My, but I'd love to see it! When will we be hearin' from yer?"
"You won't be hearing from me—if I get into jail," said the Doctor. "But you will if I don't."
The next morning John Dolittle set out for Goresby-St. Clements. This was another long walk from Puddleby and for that reason he made an early start. Dab-Dab had provided him with a large packet of sandwiches and a bottle of milk. He also took with him a good supply of writing-paper and lots of pencils—and of course his notes.
I went down the road a little way with him to see him off. He seemed very happy and hopeful as he bade me good-bye. The last thing he said was,
"Stubbins, if I'm not back here by midnight you'll know I've succeeded. Don't bother about visiting me for a good while. And on no account let Matthew come at all. I'll be all right. Look after the old lame horse. And keep an eye on those moon plants for me. So long!"
Well, that time he did succeed—as we heard later. All the animals insisted on sitting up with me that night to see if John Dolittle would return. When the old clock in the hall struck midnight we knew that he was in jail at last. Then I sent them off to bed.