Chapter 5 - Myths and Legends of the Old Plantation by Joel Harris

BROTHER RABBIT’S ASTONISHING PRANK

“I ’speck dat ’uz de reas’n w’at make olé Brer Rabbit git ’long so well, kaze he aint copy atter none er de yuther creeturs,” Uncle Remus continued, after a while. “W’en he make his disappearance ‘fo’ um, hit ’uz allers in some bran new place. Dey aint know wharbouts fer ter watch out fer ’im. He wuz de funniest creetur er de whole gang. Some folks moughter call him lucky, en yit, w’en he git in bad luck, hit look lak he mos’ allers come out on top. Hit look mighty kuse now, but ’t wa’n’t kuse in dem days, kaze hit ’uz done gun up dat, strike ’im w’en you might en whar you would, Brer Rabbit wuz de soopless creetur gwine.

“One time, he sorter tuck a notion, olé Brer Rabbit did, dat he’d pay Brer B’ar a call, en no sooner do de notion strike ’im dan he pick hisse’f up en put out fer Brer B’ar house.”

“Why, I thought they were mad with each other,” the little boy exclaimed.

“Brer Rabbit make he call w’en Brer B’ar en his fambly wuz off fum home,” Uncle Remus explained, with a chuckle which was in the nature of a hearty tribute to the crafty judgment of Brother Rabbit.

“He sot down by de road, en he see um go by,-olé Brer B’ar en olé Miss B’ar, en der two twin-chilluns, w’ich one un um wuz name Kubs en de t’er one wuz name Klibs.”

The little boy laughed, but the severe seriousness of Uncle Remus would have served for a study, as he continued:

“Olé Brer B’ar en Miss B’ar, dey went ’long ahead, en Kubs en Klibs, dey come shufflin’ en scramblin’ ’long behime. W’en Brer Rabbit see dis, he say ter hisse’f dat he ‘speck he better go see how Brer B’ar gittin’ on; en off he put. En ’t wa’n’t long n’er ‘fo’ he ‘uz ransackin’ de premmuses same like he ‘uz sho’ ’nuff patter-roller. W’iles he wuz gwine ‘roun’ peepin’ in yer en pokin’ in dar, he got ter foolin’ ’mong de shelfs, en a bucket er honey w’at Brer B’ar got hid in de cubbud fall down en spill on top er Brer Rabbit, en little mo’n he’d er bin drown. Fum head ter heels dat creetur wuz kiver’d wid honey; he wa’n’t des only bedobble wid it, he wuz des kiver’d. He hatter set dar en let de natal sweetness drip outen he eyeballs ‘fo’ he kin see he han’ befo’ ’im, en den, atter he look’ ‘roun’ little, he say to hisse’f, sezee:

“’Heyo, yer! W’at I gwine do now? Ef I go out in de sunshine, de bumly-bees en de flies dey’ll swom up’n take me, en if I stay yer, Brer B’ar’ll come back en ketch me, en I dunner w’at in de name er gracious I gwine do.’

“Ennyhow, bimeby a notion strike Brer Rabbit, en he tip ’long twel he git in de woods, en w’en he git out dar, w’at do he do but roll in de leafs en trash en try fer ter rub de honey off’n ’im dat a-way. He roll, he did, en de leafs dey stick; Brer Rabbit roll, en de leafs dey stick, en he keep on rollin’ en de leafs keep on stickin’, twel atter w’ile Brer Rabbit wuz de mos’ owdashus-lookin’ creetur w’at you ever sot eyes on. En ef Miss Meadows en de gals could er seed ’im den en dar, dey would n’t er bin no mo’ Brer Rabbit call at der house; ’deed, en dat dey would n’t.

“Brer Rabbit, he jump ‘roun’, he did, en try ter shake de leafs off’a ’im, but de leafs, dey aint gwine ter be shuck off. Brer Rabbit, he shake en he shiver, but de leafs dey stick; en de capers dat creetur cut up out dar in de woods by he own-alone se’f wuz scan’lous-dey wuz dat; dey wuz scan’lous.

“Brer Rabbit see dis wa’nt gwine ter do, en he ’low ter hisse’f dat he better be gittin’ on todes home, en off he put. I ’speck you done year talk er deze yer booggers w’at gits atter bad chilluns,” continued Uncle Remus, in a tone so seriously confidential as to be altogether depressing; “well, den, des ’zactly dat a-way Brer Rabbit look, en ef you’d er seed ‘im you’d er made sho’ he de gran’-daddy er all de booggers. Brer Rabbit pace ’long, he did, en ev’y motion he make, de leafs dey’d go swishy-swushy, splushy-splishy, en, fum de fuss he make en de way he look, you’d er tuck ‘im ter be de mos’ suvvigus varment w’at disappear fum de face er de yeth sence olé man Noah let down de draw-bars er de ark en tu’n de creeturs loose; en I boun’ ef you’d er struck up long wid ’im, you’d er been mighty good en glad ef you’d er got off wid dat.

“De fus’ man w’at Brer Rabbit come up wid wuz olé Sis Cow, en no sooner is she lay eyes on ’im dan she h’ist up ’er tail in de elements, en put out like a pack er dogs wuz atter ’er. Dis make Brer Rabbit laff, kaze he know dat w’en a olé settle’ ’oman like Sis Cow run ’stracted in de broad open day-time, dat dey mus’ be sump’n’ mighty kuse ’bout dem leafs en dat honey, en he keep on a-rackin’ down de road. De nex’ man w’at he meet wuz a black gal tollin’ a whole passel er plantation shotes, en w’en de gal see Brer Rabbit come prancin’ ’long, she fling down ’er basket er corn en des fa’rly fly, en de shotes, dey tuck thoo de woods, en sech n’er racket ez dey kick up wid der runnin’, en der snortin’, en der squealin’ aint never bin year in dat settlement needer befo’ ner since. Hit keep on dis a-way long ez Brer Rabbit meet anybody-dey des broke en run like de Olé Boy wuz atter um.

“Co’se, dis make Brer Rabbit feel monst’us biggity, en he ’low ter hisse’f dat he ’speck he better drap ‘roun’ en skummish in de neighborhoods er Brer Fox house. En w’iles he wuz stannin’ dar runnin’ dis ‘roun’ in he min’, yer come old Brer B’ar en all er he fambly. Brer Rabbit, he git crossways de road, he did, en he sorter sidle todes um. Olé Brer B’ar, he stop en look, but Brer Rabbit, he keep on sidlin’ todes um. Olé Miss B’ar, she stan’ it long ez she kin, en den she fling down ‘er parrysol en tuck a tree. Brer B’ar look lak he gwine ter stan’ his groun’, but Brer Rabbit he jump straight up in de a’r en gin hisse’f a shake, en, bless yo’ soul, honey! olé Brer B’ar make a break, en dey tells me he to’ down a whole panel er fence gittin’ ’way fum dar. En ez ter Kubs en Klibs, dey tuck der hats in der han’s, en dey went skaddlin’ thoo de bushes des same ez a drove er hosses.”

“And then what?” the little boy asked.

“Brer Rabbit p’raded on down de road,” continued Uncle Remus, “en bimeby yer come Brer Fox en Brer Wolf, fixin’ up a plan fer ter nab Brer Rabbit, en dey wuz so intents on der confab dat dey got right on Brer Rabbit ‘fo’ dey seed ’im; but, gentermens! w’en dey is ketch a glimpse un ’im, dey gun ’im all de room he want. Brer Wolf, he try ter show off, he did, kase he wanter play big ‘fo’ Brer Fox, en he stop en ax Brer Rabbit who is he. Brer Rabbit, he jump up en down in de middle er de road, en holler out:

“’I’m de Wull-er-de-Wust. I’m de Wull-er-de-Wust, en youer de man I’m atter!’

“Den Brer Rabbit jump up en down en make lak he gwine atter Brer Fox en Brer Wolf, en de way dem creeturs lit out fum dar wuz a caution.

“Long time atter dat,” continued Uncle Remus, folding his hands placidly in his lap, with the air of one who has performed a pleasant duty,-“long time atter dat, Brer Rabbit come up wid Brer Fox en Brer Wolf, en he git behime a stump, Brer Rabbit did, en holler out:

“‘I’m de Wull-er-de-Wust, en youer de mens I’m atter!’

“Brer Fox en Brer Wolf, dey broke, but ‘fo’ dey got outer sight en outer yar’n’, Brer Rabbit show hisse’f, he did, en laugh fit ter kill hisse’f. Atterwuds, Miss Meadows she year ‘bout it, en de nex’ time Brer Fox call, de gals dey up en giggle, en ax ’im ef he aint feard de Wull-er-de-Wust mought drap in.”