28. Even As You and I — Pat of Silver Bush by Lucy Montgomery
1
For Pat life had become a serial of excitement. The curves of the dullest road were intriguing because she might meet Harris J. Hynes around them. The prosiest sermon good old Mr. Paxton might preach became eloquent when her eyes exchanged messages with Harris' across the aisle. She blushed furiously when he entered a room unexpectedly or when he handed her a book from the Sunday School library or held a door open for her to pass through. His manners were so courtly!
She marked a little ring around the date in the calendar in her glory box on which he first called her "dear." He had given her the calendar . . . a calendar in the shape of a pink rose with gilt greetings on its petal months. "To mark your happy days on," he told her. "Frightfully sentimental," jeered Winnie. But Judy was quite enraptured with it.
"I do be kind av liking a sentimental beau, Patsy. They do mostly seem to be too hard-boiled nowadays."
Pat had one of her moments of beauty when he told her he had been watching her window light half the night. (It was really Judy's light but neither Harris nor Pat ever knew that.) It was thrilling to discover that he liked cats and was not in the least annoyed when Bold-and-Bad rubbed against his best trousers and haired them. Really, his temper must be angelic! Pat would not have been surprised to find he had wings under his navy blue coat.
And it was the delight of all delights to go to the movies at Silverbridge with him.
A theatre had been started in the shabby old community hall in Silverbridge and pictures were shown Wednesday and Saturday nights. Judy was persuaded to go once but never again. She said it was too upsetting. Pat was sure she could never forget the first time Harris took her.
"Has any one ever told you how lovely you were?" he whispered, as he helped her on with her coat in the Silver Bush kitchen.
"Lots of people," laughed Pat mendaciously, with an impish light in her eyes.
("Oh, oh, that's the way to answer thim," exulted Judy to herself in the pantry. "You won't be finding the Silver Bush girls too aisy, Mr. Hynes.")
Pat felt as sparkling as the night. They went to Silverbridge by a short cut up the hill, past the Long House and down over the fields to the river. The white sorcery of winter was all around them and her arm was tucked warmly in the curve of Harris' arm. Just a little ahead were Sid and Bets. Sid was really having quite a case on Bets, much to Pat's delight.
"I couldn't dream of anything more perfect," she told Judy.
"Oh, oh, Bets'll be having a dozen other beaus yet afore she settles down . . . like yerself," retorted Judy. Whereat Pat went off in high dudgeon. Well, old folks couldn't understand.
"I wonder who was the first person to think the new moon beautiful," said Pat dreamily.
"I've no eyes for the moon to-night," said Harris significantly.
Pat felt faintly chilled. The implication of Harris' remark was complimentary . . . but that slim crescent hanging over the snowy spruces that were like silver palms was so exquisite that Pat wanted Harris to share its loveliness with her. Hilary would have. Then she was horrified at such a thought.
She forgot her momentary disloyalty in the theatre. It was so wonderful . . . Pat would have worked that word to death that winter if she had not given it an occasional rest by using "marvellous." Crowds were around them but they were alone in the scented darkness. Once Harris took her hand and held it. When she tried to pull it away . . . "say please," whispered Harris. Pat did not say please.
The only fly in her ointment was the beauty of the screen sirens. Did they ever sneeze . . . have cold sores . . . swallow a crumb the wrong way? How could any boy sit and look at them a whole evening and then see anything in ordinary, everyday girls? It was almost worse than last Sunday in church when Myra Lockley had been there, the guest of Dell Robinson. Pat couldn't keep her eyes off Myra's dazzling complexion . . . all her own, too. You could tell that. Pat was sure Myra spent the whole service gazing at the navy blue back of Harris Hynes who had taken a notion that day to sit in his family pew up front. She tried to tease Harris a little about Myra the next evening when they were skating on the moonlight pool. Harris had just laughed and said, "There was a Myra."
At first Pat was pleased. Then she wondered if the day would ever come when he would say, "There was a Patricia."
2
Her first love letter was another "wonderful" thing. Harris had gone to visit a friend in town and Pat had never expected him to write her. But he did. Pat found the letter behind Judy's clock when she came home from school.
"Sure and I tucked it out of sight so that me bould Siddy shudn't be seeing it," whispered Judy.
Pat was put to it to find a place wherein to read the sacred missive. At that moment there was somebody in every room of the house, even the Poet's room, because Aunt Helen was at Silver Bush for a visit. To read it in the kitchen where Judy was "dressing" a brace of fat hens, was unthinkable.
Pat had an inspiration. She got her snowshoes and was away through the Silver Bush, across the hill field, and through the woods. Soon she found the Secret Field, an untrodden level of spirit-blue snow, where the Wood Queen and the Fern Princess were slender saplings now. The very spot for love-letters. Seated on a grey "longer" under the maples Pat read her letter. Little Queen . . . she had always wondered, ever since she and Bets had read Ella Wheeler Wilcox's poems together if any one would ever call her "little queen." I can see you at this very moment, wonderful Patricia . . . I wish I could write you with a rose instead of a pen . . . and he was hers unalterably, Harris J. Hynes.
What did the J stand for? He would never tell any one. But he had said,
"I'll tell you what it is some day," in a tone implying that it was some beautiful secret that would affect their entire lives.
"Oh, oh, and how minny kisses was there in your billy-doo?" said Judy, when Pat came home, her cheeks crimson from something more than her tramp in the frosty night. It was no use being angry with Judy.
"They don't call them billets-doux now, Judy," she said, gravely. "They call them mash notes."
"They would that. The uglier the better nowadays. There's something rale romantic in the sound av billy-doo. Now, Patsy darlint, ye'll be writing back to him but don't be forgetting that the written words do be lasting."
Pat had mislaid her fountain pen and the family ink-bottle was dry so she hunted up her very prettiest pencil to answer it, the one Sid had given her on her birthday, all gold and blue, with a big, silk, flame-coloured tassel. Judy need not have worried over what Pat would write back. Her letter was really full of a dainty mockery that made the devoted Harris more "unalterably hers," than ever.
And, having written her letter, she wrapped the pencil in tissue paper and put it away in her glory box, vowing solemnly that it should never be used to write anything else . . . unless another letter to Harris. And she lay awake for hours with Harris' letter under her pillow . . . she did not want to waste this happy night sleeping.
"But what," said Judy very slyly one day, "does Jingle be thinking av all this?"
Pat winced. Hilary's attitude had been a secret thorn in her side all winter. She knew he hated Harris by the fact that he always was dourly silent when Harris was about. One evening when Harris had been bragging a bit what several noted relatives of his had done . . . Judy could have told you all the Hynes bragged . . . Hilary had said quite nastily,
"But what are you going to do?"
Harris had been fine. He had just flung up his splendid crest and laughed kindly at Hilary: and when Hilary had turned away Harris had whispered to Pat,
"I'm going to win the most wonderful girl in P.E. Island . . . something no other Hynes has ever done."
Still, Pat hated to feel the little chill of alienation between her and Hilary. They never went to Happiness now. Of course, they hardly ever had gone in winter and Hilary was studying very hard so that he had few foot-loose evenings to spend in Judy's kitchen. Harris, of course, never spent his evenings in the kitchen. He was entertained in the Little Parlour, where he was supposed to help Pat with her French and Latin. Sometimes Pat thought it would have been much jollier in the kitchen. There were times when, Latin and French being exhausted, she found herself with little to say. Though that didn't matter much. Harris had plenty for both.
But, when the beautiful copper beech at the top of the hill field blew down in a terrific March gale, it was Hilary who understood her grief and comforted her. Harris couldn't understand at all. Why such a fuss over an old tree? He laughed at her kindly as at an unreasonable child.
"Snap out of it, Pat. Aren't there any number of trees left in the world yet?"
"There are any number of people left in the world when some one dies, but that doesn't mend the grief of those who love him," said Hilary.
Harris laughed. He always laughed when Hilary said anything. "The moonstruck house-builder" he called him . . . though never in Pat's hearing. Just at this moment Pat found herself thinking that Harris' eyes were really too brown and glossy. Strange she had never noticed it before. But Hilary understood. Darling Hilary. A wave of affection for him seemed to flood her being. Even when it ebbed it seemed to have swept something away with it that had been there. She went to the picture with Harris that night but it was a little . . . flat. And Harris was really too possessive. He had his brother's cutter and he was absurdly solicitous about the robes.
"I'm not quite senile yet," said Pat.
Harris laughed.
"So it can scratch."
Why could he never take anything seriously?
When he lifted her out at the gate Pat looked at Silver Bush. It seemed to look back at her reproachfully. It struck her that she had been thinking more about Harris Hynes that winter than of dear Silver Bush. She was suddenly repentant.
"Aren't you ever going to kiss me, Pat?" Harris was whispering.
"Perhaps . . . when you grow up," said Pat . . . and laughed too.
Harris had driven angrily away but Pat slept soundly, albeit it was their first tiff. Harris did not show himself at Silver Bush for a week and Sid and Winnie tormented her mercilessly about it. Pat wasn't worried although Judy thought she might be.
"Boys do be like that now and then, Patsy. They take the quare notions. He'll be along some av these long-come-shorts, darlint."
"I haven't a doubt of it," said Pat with a shrug. "Meanwhile, I'll get a little real studying done."
3
Harris came back and everything was as before. Or was it? Where had the glamour gone? Pat felt a little disgusted with herself . . . and with Harris . . . and with the world in general. And then Harris went into Mr. Taylor's store in Silverbridge! There was no reason why a clerk in a dry-goods store shouldn't be as romantic as anybody else. But it seemed such a terrible come down after all his bird-man talk! Pat felt as if he were a stranger.
"Mr. H. Jemuel Hynes has taken a position with Mr. Taylor of Silverbridge" . . . so ran one of the locals in the next paper . . . perhaps inspired by no friend of Hynes.
"Jemuel! So that is what the J stood for. No wonder he wouldn't tell it," Pat giggled, as Judy read it out to her.
Judy talked to herself as she kneaded her bread that night in a quiet kitchen. For everybody was out except Pat, who was studying in the Little Parlour.
"Sure and the ind's near whin she do be laughing at him. I'm not knowing why he shud be ashamed av a good Bible name. Well, it's been a liddle experience like for her. She'll know better how to handle the nixt one."
There was one final flare-up of romance the night she and Harris walked down the hill from Bets' party. Harris had been very nice that evening; and he really would have been very handsome if his nose hadn't that frightful kink in it. His hair was wonderful and he was a wonderful dancer. And it was a wonderful night. After all, there was no use, as Judy said, in expecting too much of any boy. They all had their liddle failings.
"It's cold . . . hurry," she said impatiently.
If Judy had heard that she would have known that the end was nearer still.
They went through the Whispering Lane and Harris paused by the garden gate and drew her to him. Pat was looking at the garden, all sparkle and snow in the moonshine. How sweet it was, with its hidden secrets!
"Look, Harris," she said . . . and her voice rippled through a verse she loved.
"So white with frost my garden lies,
So still, so white my garden is,
Full sure the fields of Paradise
Are not more fair than this.
The streets of pearl, the gates of gold,
Are they indeed more peace possessed,
Than this white pleasaunce pure and cold
Against the amber west?"
"Don't let's talk about the weather," Harris was saying. "I want you only to think of me."
The light went out of Pat's face as if some one had blown it out.
"Hilary would have loved that."
She hadn't meant to say it aloud . . . but it seemed to say itself.
Harris laughed. Harris certainly had a frightful knack of laughing at the wrong time.
"That sissy! I suppose he would moon over gardens and trees."
Something clicked inside Pat's brain.
"He isn't a sissy," she cried. "The idea of you calling him a sissy . . . you with your curls and your great soft cowey eyes," she finished, but in thought.
Harris tightened his arm.
"It mustn't be cross," he said fatally.
Pat stepped back and removed his arm.
"I don't want to see you again, Harris Jemuel Hynes," she said clearly and distinctly.
Harris found out eventually that she meant it.
"You're as fickle-minded as a breeze," were his bitter parting words.
Pat was not worried over her fickleness but she was rather worried over the conviction that Harris had always taken a bit too much for granted from the start. He was what horrid May Binnie called horridly, "a fast worker." And she, Pat Gardiner of Silver Bush, had fallen for it.
Judy used a dreadful phrase sometimes of certain girls . . . "a bit too willing."
"Have I been too willing?" Pat asked herself solemnly.
When it became manifest that Pat's case with Harris Hynes was off she was tormented a good deal. Bets was very sweet and understanding and comforting, but Pat did not feel entirely easy until she had talked the matter over with Judy.
"Oh, Judy, it was very exciting while it lasted. But it didn't last."
"Oh, oh, darlint, I niver thought it wud come to innything. Ye're too young for the sarious side. He was just a bit of an excursion like for ye. I wudn't be after criticising him as long as ye'd a liking for him, Pat, but wasn't he a bit too free and aisy now? I do be liking the shy ones better that don't be calling the cows be their first name at the second visit. And he do be standing wid his legs too far apart for real illigance. Now did ye iver notice the way Jingle stands? Like a soldier. He do be such a diffrunt looking b'y since he do be wearing better clo'se and having his hair cut at Silverbridge, niver to mintion his stylish glasses."
It was strange but rather nice just to feel quietly happy again, without thrills and chills and semi-demi-quavers.
"Sid and Hilary are better than all the beaus in the world, Judy. I'm never going to fall in love again."
"Not before the nixt time innyway, Patsy."
"There won't be any next time."
"Oh, oh, it's much more comfortable not to be in love, I'm agreed. And wud ye be wanting that blue dress av yours much longer, darlint? It's all gone under the arms and it do be just the shade for that bit av blue scroll in me mat."
"Oh, you can have it," said Pat indifferently. She burned the letter just as indifferently. Nevertheless, years after, when she came across a little tasselled pencil in an old box in the attic she smiled and sighed.
Hilary came in with his lean brown hands filled with the first mayflowers for her and they went off on a ramble to Happiness.
"Sure and it's the happy b'y that Jingle is this blessed night," chuckled Judy.
"Friendship is much more satisfactory than love," Pat reflected, before she went to sleep.